Ron Li-Paz

Jewish life is filled with reference to symbolic cycles. They occur in nature, in the study of Torah and in our own lives. They help us to manage the course of life – to bring the infinite down to a comprehensible scale. These cycles remind us of a world of renewal and constant change. They attach us to the process of God's everlasting creation. Equally vitally, they connect us to one another and remind us that as we are accountable so are we valued.

The life cycle begins just after birth with the ceremony of Brit Milah – for the male, circumcision and naming. After the birth of a daughter, the ceremony of Brit Bat can be celebrated…without circumcision. In both traditions, the child begins life surrounded by his or her loving community and is thereby brought into the ancient holy and ethical covenant of our people. It is this covenant that has characterized our culture for thousand of years.

Cantor Li-Paz frequently officiates in Brit Milah and Brit Bat naming ceremonies, blending tradition with contemporary customs.

If you require a mohel in the Los Angeles area, please contact Cantor Li-Paz for recommendations.

From the day of our birth until the day of our Bar or Bat Mitzvah, twelve or thirteen years later, the responsibility of our growth and spiritual welfare rests with our parents. It is they who are honored with the care of our souls and the nurturing of our minds. The Torah calls on parents to instruct their children in God's laws; ethics that will shape their lives and impact the world in which they live.

A loving parent does not show genuine love by telling a child, “Do whatever you want.” That would not indicate love, but lack of concern and abdication of responsibility. The truly loving parent says to the child, “I care very much about you, and although I cannot live your life for you, I want you to have the benefit of my experience.”

The Jew understands from the beginning that Judaism was a religion of love because it did not leave him or her to find the way through life alone and unaided. It offered advice, insight and experience. It was out of God's love for the Jewish people that he gave them the Torah, so that instead of stumbling blindly, they might be aided by its principles, take heed of its warnings, and draw closer to Him.

God and biology dictate when we become adults. Without reference to our emotional readiness, our biological selves become men and women capable of taking on the most adult and Godly responsibility imaginable; creating new life. It is therefore at the age of thirteen (twelve or thirteen for girls) that children are recognized as passing through the gateway from childhood to adulthood in the ceremony of Bar (male) or Bat (female) Mitzvah.

Early teen years can be tremendously challenging for parents and for the teens themselves. At once, teens are asked to “act like adults” and at other moments to realize that they are still children and not ready for certain freedoms or responsibilities. It is a time of transition; of being in a stage between two states in life.

While teens are challenged by their fluid identities as well as by powerful hormonal and physical changes, parents are challenged to step back from their children; to allow them greater space in which to make responsible choices. The space given, needless to say, differs from one teen and one choice to the next.

Imagine a society in which every teen entering this challenging age is celebrated by his or her family and friends. The tradition of Bar Mitzvah is extraordinarily important for our children. It demonstrates to them that they are valuable members of a caring community. It teaches them that their adulthood is to be characterized by ethics, responsibilities to the world around them and by the example of their elders.

So often teens will tell me that their Bar or Bat Mitzvah left them with the extraordinary feeling that they could do anything. At twelve or thirteen years old they learn a foreign language, learn to sing prayers and to chant Torah and Haftarah (Writings of the Biblical Prophets), write and deliver a speech and experience the honor and responsibility of not merely participating in, but leading a congregation in a Shabbat service. What gift can possibly measure up to such an experience?

In my Bar and Bat Mitzvah lessons with students, I endeavor to make the connection between the Mitzvah celebration and the mitzvah of which it speaks. Each lesson, whether held in my office or on a nearby mountaintop is an exploration of prayers, rituals, ethics and issues of Jewish life as they relate to the student's life. If adulthood is characterized by a quest for meaning rather than merely acquiescence, then surely the preparation for Jewish adulthood should have meaning as its highest concern.

Long before the Jewish people prayed in houses of brick and stained glass, we did so under the canopy of stars. We created holy places by the act of welcoming God into our midst. We celebrated time regardless of place.

The Bar or Bat Mitzvah service can be experienced either in the synagogue or in any other appropriate venue. The challenge for many unaffiliated families is the issue of choosing an appropriate site which allows the congregant to focus on prayer rather than to be distracted by the appeal of the setting.

While I perform many Bar and Bat Mitzvah services in locations outside the synagogue, I cannot stress enough the value of synagogue life to the Jewish and interfaith family. Certainly, one-on-one Bar Mitzvah tutoring has much to recommend itself, particularly if the education is well-rounded. However, it does not offer the communal center that is inherent in a synagogue and Hebrew School.

As Cantor Li-Paz has performed more than five hundred Bar and Bat Mitzvah services outside the sanctuary of Valley Outreach Synagogue, he can recommend a great number of suitable locations in and around Los Angeles and in some cases, in other U.S. cities.

Cantor Li-Paz provides the Torah, Aron Hakodesh (Holy Ark) as well as necessary furnishings for transforming a site into a sanctuary. Click here for a sample photograph.

When a child is born and named, a customary blessing reads, “May his/her parents rejoice in the growth of his/her body and soul. As they have brought him/her into the Covenant, so may they, with wisdom and patience, lead him/her to a study of Torah, to alife of good deeds, and to a marriage worthy of God's blessing.” And so, the wedding was planned since birth… Truly, our tradition does emphasize the both holy and psychologically edifying nature of marriage. From biblical verses to contemporary Jewish writings, that truth remains unaltered.

Marriage serves to elevate life. It offers a dwelling place for love, companionship, balance and ethical accountability. While a single person can presumably avoid looking in the mirror when the sight is less than pleasing, the married man or woman sees his or her life reflected in the eyes of the spouse. It is through the expression of our values that we garner self esteem and the respect of our partner.

Undoubtedly, chemistry and empirical elements of compatibility are vital to a good marriage. It certainly helps if both the husband and wife are passionate about opera or adore Thai cuisine. Both of these passions offer relative weights of necessary glue to a relationship, but a strong and long-lasting marriage is built on values rather than tastes. Religion therefore plays an enormously profound role in shaping and supporting a good marriage. Religion offers us guidelines for elevating our relationships from mammal to human and from merely human to holy.

First of all , mazel tov ! How blessed you are to have found each other. While I plan weddings and have pre-marital discussions face-to-face with couples, I would like to offer some general advice and resources here.

First of all, we can acknowledge that planning a wedding can be stressful. In addition to recognizing the enormity of your life altering decision, you now presumably feel like you are adding a new and additional career, that of wedding planning, to your already full schedule. (Cue – Wedding Coordinator…). The "production" elements of weddings – location, costumes, make-up, set-design, characters and of course, plot can become so consuming that we forget the purpose of the extraordinary event.

While this advice may seem obvious, it deserves to be stated: Hire vendors with good reputations and with whom you feel completely comfortable. A less expensive videographer who arrives late or disheveled is no bargain. Likewise, a more reasonably priced photographer whose abrasive manner makes for a tense bride produces tense-bride-smiles…

Once you have secured your reliable and reputable vendors, plan for a wedding day in which you relinquish control and allow yourself the possibility of being fully present. This day will never come again.

Among the resources included below, I suggest that you check regularly for updates to the “Frequently Asked Questions” as this may be a useful reference for you.

While Judaism asserts that the soul is as eternal as its Creator, the life cycle ends with the funeral in which family and community of friends gather to pay loving tribute to the departed.

Jewish customs of mourning are as psychological as they are religious. They serve to honor the deceased and to lend perspective and comfort to the mourners who are challenged by life in the face of death.

Please refer to the Frequently Asked Questions below for specific issues related to funeral and mourning traditions.

In the case of a death in your family, please contact Cantor Li-Paz at Valley Outreach Synagogue (818) 348-4867.